I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
