sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Found your dick twin last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
