Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
