It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
