fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
