wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
