dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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