Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
