That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You're like the curious george of whores
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
