I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
