my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
