why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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