Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
