dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
