Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
