dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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