Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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