oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
