My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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