My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
