I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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