Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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