you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
