He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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