Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
