the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
