My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
