Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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