New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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