i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
