omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
