You're my little dorito
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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