At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
