and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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