You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he fucked my hip out of place.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
