The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
