please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
