we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
