All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
