dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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