you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
