Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
