come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
