He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
