Can i not drive my cunt home
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
