it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
