do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
