alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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