He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dicks are not precious.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
