addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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