If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hippo gnu deer
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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