You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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