I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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