Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
